I'm trying...

So I made a big, public promise to blog more and comment more now that my Dad's health improved and today he was admitted to the hospital for a blood clot.  Sometimes I just can't catch a break. 

Does anybody remember me?

MyNiceProfile.com

Hi.  My name is Bonnie.  Not sure if you remember me.  About 5'7" -  brown curly hair - banded July of 2010 and proud of it.  I was a fairly frequent blogger and commenter, but have disappeared the past four months.  I have about 10 half-written posts between May (the last time I posted) and now.  I can make the excuse that my dad has had health problems and a lot of my time and energy has been spent with him, but that's really not why I haven't blogged.  The truth is that as I approached my year bandiversary (July 9th, 2011), I felt less inspired and more depressed over my lack of success - or rather my perceived lack of success. 

As my dad's health has improved, so has my perspective about my band.  First of all, I am a third of the way to my goal weight and I've done it with limited restriction.  Oh, sure, I definitely eat less than I did before the band, but there is no way that I'm satisfied after only a cup of food.  I can eat bread.  I can eat pizza.  I can eat everything.  But you know what, who cares?  There are a lot of people who lose weight without restriction so I need to stop whining about what the band doesn't do for me and focus on what it does. 

Another big pro of getting the band is that I've met so many great people through this blog.  I had planned on going to Chicago - even made plans to room with 2 famous (and lucky for me - local) bloggers - Read and Linda.  However, between my dad's health issues, feelings of failure and being drained emotionally, I decided to forgo the trip.  Linda and Read were so kind and never made me feel guilty about leaving them with half of the room expense versus the third they were expecting.  In fact, I had dinner with them this past Monday and experienced the trip vicariously through them and heard plenty of stories that made it clear my not going was a BIG mistake.   They even brought me a few things back from the trip and I totally lost it and started crying into my cocktail.  I mean - really, REALLY, really.  Two women who I've known less than 2 years not only don't make me feel like a total shit for backing out on them for the trip, but then bring me a gift.  I'm tearing up again as I type this. 

So I made them a promise that I would get back to blogging and here I am.  Of course there is no way I can catch up on everybody and I apologize in advance.  I've poured over the pictures from Chicago and you all look wonderful.  I am going to try my best to be the blogger and commenter I once was.  I hope you can all forgive my absence and please know that I thought of you often and missed your support.  Thank you so much to those of you who checked in on me and I hope that I still have a few followers who haven't forsaken me. 

I have an appointment with my surgeon on October 27th.  I think I'm going to ask for a small fill and - as always - hope springs eternal that it will kickstart my weight loss.  I also know that exercise is key for my weight loss.  Not only because of the calories that I burn from the activity, but it puts me in the right frame of mind to want to eat healthy.  I have a few events coming up that is helping give me motivation.  First, I'm lucky enough to be on the invite list for Read's fantastic annual Christmas party.  I went last year and was only a few months banded so didn't make sense to buy a new outfit.  This year is a different story. 

Secondly, in January I am going on a cruise that was planned to celebrate my niece's 21st birthday as well as my brother and sister-in-law's 40th birthdays.  My brother and their families are going, my girls and husband, as well as some friends.  We are all keeping our fingers crossed that my dad will be able to go as well.  I have 2 formal gowns that I wore about 30 pounds ago and am hoping to get back in to.  Here is a picture of one of them. 

I know it is an insane goal to think I can lose 30 lbs in 3 months given my past weight loss history, but I'm hoping with some weights and toning, the inches will come off where they need to in order to fit into the dresses.  I tried them on and the biggest issue is across my middle and back.

Lastly, I'll leave you with a picture of me with my lovely daughters.  It was taken this past Saturday and my eldest daughter is all dressed up for homecoming.  As you know, I hate putting up pictures of myself, but I thought I owed you one since it's been so long since I posted. 

Love you all.  Thanks for reading. 

Mid Life Crisis?

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.  I feel so uninspired lately and even though I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, family, children, friends and a well-paying job, I feel like something is missing.  I feel extreme guilt typing that, because I realize how lucky I am, but am hoping that writing about it will help me work through some of these feelings.

I think a lot of my feeling has to do with my job.  I have to do a lot of cold-calling and ass kissing of doctors, as well as their snooty staff and I it gets old.  Don't get me wrong - they are not all bad, but it's just not what I want to do with the rest of my life.  However, the sad part is that I don't have any real passion to do anything else.  I think being a personal trainer would be fun, but I'd need to get in shape before I pursued something like that or I'd feel like a fraud.  Plus, there is no way in my market that I'd make anywhere near the money that I make now.  It's easy to say money isn't important, but when your family is used to a certain lifestyle, it's hard to change.  However, personal training is something I could do on the side and hopefully it would give me a spark that would help me get through a not so inspiring full-time job.

I don't know if you all remember since it's been 3 weeks since I posted last (yes I gave myself 100 lashes with a wet noodle for being such a bad blogger), but I got a.2 fill on April 20th, but haven't noticed any difference.  I really want to lose 10 lbs by my bandiversary on July 9th so that will bring me to 50 lbs down in a year.  In order to do that, I need to get my shit together.  I haven't gotten back to regular exercise since going on vacation to Universal and need to get back in the groove.  For me, exercise is key to losing weight.  Not only do I get the obvious benefits of burning calories, but it puts me in the right frame of mind me.  The physical I am, the healthier I want to eat. 

Hope you all had a wonderful mother's day.  It is bittersweet for me because my mom's absence is especially hard on this day, but my hubby and daughters always make me feel special.  This year we went shopping at the Lane Bryant outlet in Lancaster, PA, which is about an hour from us.  It was a little challenging because I didn't want to spend too much money on clothes that I hope to be out of soon, but I wanted some outfits that I feel attractive in.   Luckily, they were having a 40% off sale so I got a few nice outfits for not so much money.  My hubby was great giving me his opinion and the salesperson was amazed at how much time I spent trying on clothes without Dave complaining once. Afterwards we went to a nice lunch. 

Take care and hope you all have a good week. 

Back from Universal

We had an awesome time at Universal, but the weather was HOT as HELL!  I know I was complaining about how I needed me some sun - well I got more than I bargained for.  It was upper 80s and even reached the 90s our last day.  Luckily, most of the rides were inside and the longest wait was 60 minutes for the Harry Potter ride.  It was a fun-filled, non-stop 4 days of fun and now I need a vacation from my vacation.  


Here are some pics from the trip. 



The girls were a little punchy since we had to get up at 3 am.  Dave found a great deal on our flight and hotel, but we had to travel about 90 minutes to the airport and our flight was at 7 am.  Since we hadn't been to this airport before and weren't sure about parking, we left ourselves plenty of time.  We got to Orlando about 9 am, got our rental car, checked into hotel and went to Universal Studios until close, ate dinner and collapsed around midnight. 

All aboard to Hogwarts. 

The Harry Potter area was great. Hogsmeade was exactly like I imagined from the book. They had Olivanders, the wand shop, where they picked someone from the audience and the shopkeeper went through several wands before finding the perfect one.

Hogwarts is in the background.  The line to the ride takes you through parts of the school it and then the ride, a moving seat, takes you through other parts of the castle, some real and some simulated.  You get to feel what it's like to play in a  Quidditch match as well as flying on a broomstick. 

Forget milk!  Butterbeer is yummy!

Saturday night was the Mardi Gras parade, which was a lot of fun.

There were a lot of bright and unique floats. 

The costumes were all very cool. 

We got a lot of beads. 



The end of a long day. 

A very long day, but fun.

Eventhough cat in the hat is a kids ride, we still love it. 

My Thing 1 and Thing 2.

We saw the Blue Man Group on Sunday night. The girls loved it.  Hubby and I had seen before and were hoping the girls would enjoy it.

Group shot at the entrance to the lost continent. 

Warmed my heart that my 12 year old would still pose with Dora.  My 15 year old, however, would have no part of it. 

The Simpson ride is a crazy virtual reality trip that takes you on a roller coaster, a crazy boat ride, in the mouth of a giant baby and a lot of other stomach rolling feelings.  My husband was not feeling too well after this ride.  He can do the scariest roller coasters, but virtual rides make him want to hurl.

Vacation is over. Went by so fast!

On the band front, I had an appointment with my surgeon on April 6th.  He said based on my slow weight loss (5.5 lbs in 2 months) and the fact that I can eat more than a cup of food, he felt a small fill is needed.  When I told him I was going away, he scheduled me 2 weeks out for the fill so I am going this Wednesday.  I'm really excited and hoping that this fill will take me to my green zone.  It would be great to start losing weight quicker since bathing suit season is right around the corner. 


As some of you may know, I've been stuck in the 240s.  Not any more.  I saw this lovely, unexpected number this morning. 



I'm confident that with my fill I'll get even more securely in the 230s. 

I'm really behind in reading blogs and it is doubtful I'll be able to catch up so will probably just start with current posts.  Hope you are all doing well. 



I'm going to Universal, Baby!

First I want to thank you for all your wonderful comments and support on my last post.  Reading them definitely helped me with my depression over the anniversary of my Mom's death.  I can't say I'm back 100%, but am definitely feeling better.  Especially given the mini-vacation we are taking next week. 
Hubby and I have been talking about taking our daughters to Universal Orlando for some time, but were not sure when we were going to fit it in.  We don't like going in the Summer when it is hot as hell and the lines are long and we can't take them next school year because they will already be missing 5 days for the cruise we are taking in January.  (I know, we have a tough life). 

My wonderful husband suggested that we go in April (I think he knew I needed a pick-me-up) and after evaluating our schedule and the travel prices, it turned out that April 8th thru the 11th worked the best.  So, we've booked it.   I am so excited because this is the first time the girls have gone and will be the first time we all see the Harry Potter area.  In addition, As Read indicated in her last blog, weather here is sucking and it's definitely not helping my mood.  I am sure the weather will be nicer in Orlando and am hoping the we can bring some warmth back with us. 

On the band front, I have an appointment with my surgeon on April 6th.  I had planned on asking for a fill, but since I'll be getting on a plane two days later, I'm now not so sure.  I did get a fill last year before I went on the BOOBs Chicago trip and didn't have any problems, but I have a lot more fluid in my band now and don't want to take the chance of screwing up my vacation.  (In case you are not following me, some people say they feel tighter after traveling by plane)  Plus, I'm not 100% sure that I need a fill.  I'm not losing as fast as I would like and I can eat more than 1 cup of food, but am not super hungry in between.  I think I'm going to make another appointment next month and possibly get one then.  I really want to lose some more significant weight before my bandiversary in July. 

Sorry I haven't been commenting as much as usual, but I have been trying to keep up on my reading.

P.S.

I want to give a big thanks to Read for sending me oregon chai tea to try.  I thought she was going to send me this little sample and instead she sent me a brand new big box.  And I love it.  Mix it with skim milk and it's a great drink that keeps me full.  Perfect for breakfast. 

I love you Mom!

Today is the 5th anniversary of my mother's death. I did a post (link here) last year where you can see the kind of woman she was.  I miss her every day. 

Yesterday meeting up with so many BOOBS in NYC really helped with the depression I always feel this time of year. 

Don't really feel like blogging, but just wanted to say hi and hope you all have a good week. 

PG-13 Version of BYOC

Okay, so Drazil threw us a twist today with both an R and PG version of the Bring Your Own Crazy questions. 

I really have no problem with answering the R rated version, but honestly most of my answers depend on my mood. 

Favorite position:  Depends on mood.  If I'm feeling like I want to take control, I like being on top.  If I'm feeling a little naughty, from behind turns me on and yes a little spanking isn't unheard of.  But I think in general - and at the risk of sounding really boring - him on top is my favorite because I like watching how good he is feeling. 

Orgasms:  I'm pretty sure it was 14.  It was back in the day before kids when my husband and I could spend all day in bed. 

Faking it:  I've never done it.

1. If you were a salad, what kind of dressing would you want on you?

Balsamic Vinaigrette


2. What is your quirkiest habit and how long have you had it?

I leave the bathroom light on when my husband is out of town.  For some reason the dark freaks me out more when he's not home.  I'm not sure that is considered a habit...


3. If I looked in your fridge, what’s the first thing I’d see?

Gallon of Decaf Iced Tea and a variety of Chobani greek yogurt. 


4. Who or what inspires you and why?

It's really hard to top Drazil's answer.  I find inspiration in a lot of things.  All of you inspire me.  My friends and family inspire me.  My children inspire me.  Single parents inspire me.  People that survive catastrophe inspire me.  Those who overcome adversity inspire me.


5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.

Hubby has been out of town and I've had an especially difficult period - very crampy and a rather heavy flow, which really isn't normal for me.  I take type of birth control pill where I only get my period once every 3 months, which is nice because once a month is way too much.  Actually I think once every 3 months is too much, but it is what it is. 

I decided to start weighing myself once a week for the Spring Challenge instead of every day.  Despite being lonely and crampy, I did manage to do well with eating and did exercise a few times.  I'm pretty sure I'll have a loss.  It also didn't hurt that I was probably retaining water when I did my initial weigh in. 

Does the worldwide disasters freak anybody else out?  Is it terrible of me that I don't even want to watch the footage.  It's just so scary.  I also hate this prediction about the end of the world in 2012.  It's not that I really believe it, but either did that guy in the movie 2012. 

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

My husband fought an alligator...

or maybe it's a crocodile.  I don't really know how to tell the difference.  Maybe you can.  I think he's losing.

So these are the kind of shenanigans that my husband is partaking in during bike week in Daytona.  What a goof.  I really miss him and was more than jealous when he told me that it was 85 degrees there today!  He better bring back some of that warmth with him. 

On the homefront, my daughter tried out for her middle school volleyball team and found out today she didn't make it.  I picked her up from the tryouts and, to her credit, she didn't start crying until she got in the car.  I felt so bad for her, but I told her how proud I was that she tried.   It was nice that the coach let the girls who didn't make it down fairly easy - she told them that she hadn't made her 7th grade team, but went on to make her 8th grade team and her high school team.  My daughter has never done anything with volleyball besides in her normal gym class, so I am going to look for some volleyball summer camps to improve her skills.  I wish hubby had been here to give her a hug.  He did call, but of course it's not the same.  However, it could have been worse.  I'll take rejection over stitches (see Read's post here) any day. 

I had mentioned that I was putting off scheduling an appointment with my surgeon because I hadn't lost weight.  Well I have one scheduled, but couldn't get it until April 6th.  I'm not really that concerned about it.  Even though I'm not in a green zone, I do feel some restriction.  I'm hoping exercise will help move the scale.  Angie, Read, Linda and I have all made personal goals as to where we want to be by the time we go to New York for the BOOBS brunch on March 20th.  Here's hoping I finally get out of the 240s. 

Happy hump day.  :)

Oh to be a biker babe again.

Today is the first day of the Spring Challenge and I am hopeful that it will help motivate me to FINALLY get out of the 240s.  I've been exercising more and being mindful with my eating, but the scale does not budge.  I am trying to focus more on working out, drinking water, protein intake and healthy eating rather than the numbers on the scale, but it is hard.  I have a lot of size 18 jeans that I am really wanting to get in to.  I did fit into a  pair of size 18 Tommy Hilfiger jeans that Camille sent me and I was over the moon.  However, they are the exception.

I have to make an appointment with my bariatric surgeon.  After my fill by fluoro on February 3, my surgeon said he wanted me to make an appointment in a month to check in.  Well, I haven't made the appointment because I haven't lost any weight and am really embarrassed.  At this point, I don't know that I can even ask for another fill.  I'm not even sure I need one.   I'm really confused as to why the scale isn't moving.  I think I am going to have to suck it up and journal so I can show my surgeon what I am eating and how much I am working out and see what his thoughts are about my lack of weight loss. 

My husband is leaving for bike week in Daytona tomorrow, which makes me a little nervous.   (Above picture is from last year's trip to Laconia).  I know he's careful, but you never know about other drivers, as we saw in the tragic death of Jacquie's father and brother-in-law.  But I know you can't live your life in fear and I would never ask him to stay home.  He deserves some fun and hope he has a good time.  I just ask that he calls and texts a few times a day so we can stay in touch. 

I've never ridden on the back of my husband's bike.  At first it was because he was new to riding a motorcycle so I wanted him to get more experience.   Now, 3 years later, I have to admit to myself that I haven't gotten on because, in addition to still being a little scared, I am also self conscious because of my weight.  In my 20s (when I was much thinner and less fearful) I would ride on the back of my boyfriend's bike.  I was much thinner then and while I felt like a sexy, hot biker babe, I never felt safe.   Again, it wasn't because he was a bad driver, but I didn't enjoy that feeling of not having anything around to protect me.  I'm hoping to at least try riding with my husband when the weather gets warmer here (probably in 2 or 3 months).  It would be great if I liked it because it would be something my hubby and I could do together.

It is a very rainy Sunday here, which kind of sucks.  Between my hubby going out of town and my PMSing, it's not one of my better days.

Hope you all have a great week and good luck to my fellow challenge participants.  GAME ON!

Great NSV

As some of you know, we bought our daughters memberships to our gym for Christmas and have been working out as a family.  Today my 15 year old came home and said she really hoped we were going to the gym because she had a really rough day.  It almost brought tears to my eyes.  Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if my daughters learned you use exercise to relieve stress instead of food? 

P.S.

Of course, we did go to the gym.  :)

BYOC and Pouch Test Update

It’s FRIDAY which means in Care Bear Land it’s time for BYOC…Bring Your Own Crazy! 5 little questions you can copy and paste to your blog if you so desire – in an effort to get to know each other better and to give your blog brain a break!


Enjoy!

1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?

Very light.  I've never been a good sleeper.  I remember being little and reading books until late into the night.  I was worried about asking my doc to prescribe Ambien because I had heard such negative stuff about it, but Band-Babe takes it and a good friend of mine takes it so I figured I'd give it a try.   Ironically, when my doc first prescribed it a few months ago I started sleeping better (without taking it) and didn't try it.  I just started it a month ago and it works really well.  One side effect is that, despite getting a full night's sleep, I do tend to feel a little tired the next day.  Another is I took it for a few nights straight then stopped and had a terribly restless night.  I had heard that you aren't supposed to take it every night because you'll become dependent on it, but I don't get why you shouldn't be able to take it every night if you have a hard time sleeping.  I mean, if you have heart issues and you get medicine you take the medicine every day.  So I asked my pcp if I can take Ambien every night and she said yes.  So I took it last night (after several nights without it) and had a restless night.  However, I think part of it is because I had a meeting today with a doc that is kind of an ass and I was worried about it so was stressing.  As it turns out, the meeting went fine.  Anyway, I'm going to start taking it every night and see what happens. 

2. If you were made into a professor for a day, what topic would you lecture on?

Okay, I'm going to come out and say it, in high school I was a thespian.  For those of you who don't know, a thespian is a theatrical performer.  I loved my drama teacher and would love to teach acting.  Not that I know how to act, but I'd love to teach it. 

3. What’s a skill you’ve always wanted that you don’t currently have?

I'd love to speak Spanish.  I think it's sexy and it would be great to put on my resume.  I'd also love to be proficient in the martial arts.  I think it's sexy and it would be great to put on my resume (HA!)

4. Have you ever been in a real cat fight?

No, but I've been close a few times.  Don't bump into me continuously on the dance floor without apologizing because I will bump you back - hard. 

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

So I started the 5 day pouch test on Monday with Linda.  Read had finished hers up on Sunday and had good luck with it. 

I'm curious, has anybody ever posted about doing the 5 day pouch test and not making it thru?  I might be the first.  Of course, it was kind of dumb of me to do it the week that I was taking a friend out for a birthday dinner (plenty of drinks for all) and the next day I had a birthday lunch for my boss.   However, to be honest, even before those events happened, I was struggling.  I did great Day 1 which was liquids only and lost 4 lbs in one day.  I realize it was just water, but come on gals - a lower number on the scale is a lower number on the scale.  On the second day I started thinking about everything I couldn't have.  And then it started flashbacks to my dieting days.  Then I started feeling deprived.  Then I really wanted to eat - a lot.  Then I ate some eggs.  Then I felt guilty.  Then I wanted to eat more.  Then I felt like a failure.  Then my birthday dinner hit and I ate (and drank) what I wanted.  So as of this morning I was 1 lb less than when I started, but I had been hoping I'd get down to a new low.  I've been in the 240s forever and am sick of them.   But I swear, it seems as soon as I say I can't have something, then I want it even more.  Also, as soon as I set a goal, (ie workout 5 days a week) I start to sabotage myself.   What the hell is wrong with me? 

Hope you all have a great weekend. 

Misery Loves Company But Smiling Together Is More Fun

Sorry this post is so late, but I wanted to thank you all for your words of encouragement and info on what you use for your C25K program.  While I haven't started running yet, I did go to the gym 3 times last week.  Did the eliptical for 40 minutes and a little bit of weights.  This week I plan on working out at least 30 minutes for 5 days.  I also want to start a regular weight lifting routine versus just doing weights here and there .  Will probably go to the gym 3 times and then supplement with Wii and/or dvd workouts.

There is a reason why there is the saying "Misery loves company".  But that's not what I want for all us.  I want it to be more "When you smile, the world smiles with you!"   That's what we all deserve.   It seems that there are a lot of us who are stuck.  We are stuck at different points.  Some of us are at the very beginning of our journey and experiencing "bandster hell" because there is no restriction.  Some of us are a few months out and not losing as quickly as we hoped.  Some of us have lost a lot of weight but are not quite to goal and feeling bummed that weight loss has stalled.  But, stuck is stuck.  It doesn't matter at what point you are at in your journey - stuck sucks! 

For those of you who aren't stuck and are making great progress, please continue to let us know how wonderful you are doing and DON'T FEEL GUILTY.  It definitely motivates me (and I'm sure others) to read about how successful people can be with the band and makes me want to try harder.

I've decided to do the 5-day pouch test.   I've read about several bloggers who have done this, the most recent being Read of My Trek Downward.   Yesterday I ate more than usual because I knew starting today I'd be limited in what I can eat.  Didn't like the feeling because it made me remember my dieting days.   I'm doing okay today.  I still want to go through with it and hope that I'll lose some weight and feel more in control.  Will let you know how it goes.

Hope you all have a wonderful week. 

@@EDITED@@

Just found out the Nikki at ChasingSkinny is hosting a Springtime Weight Loss Challenge.  Check out the info here.

Why I don't track and a C25K Question

There have been quite a few posts lately about tracking and not tracking food.  Part of the reason I got the band is I wanted to lose weight without dieting.  I figured that as long as I didn't do any crazy sliders and focused on protein, the band would be enough.   However, I am 7 months into my journey and the band has not helped me lose as much weight as I hoped.  I am now up to 8.2 ccs and had my last fill (increase of .4 cc) by fluoro last week.  I mention that it was by fluoro because it was the first time where I didn't have to feel "responsible" to judge my fill by how I felt when I drank my water.  My surgeon could actually see the barium going down and told me when the fill was good.   I did have a little concern because I am typically tight in the morning and my test was first thing in the morning.  Unfortunately, my surgeon only does it first thing in the morning, so I didn't have a choice.  It has not given me the resriction that I had hoped for. 

I know a lot of people say that they want to be able to eat everything, just in moderation.  I can eat everything, but more than moderation.  Don't get me wrong, I am definitely eating less than I did pre-band, but 1/2 to 1 cup of food - even solid protein - does not keep me full for 3 to 4 hours.  It is frustrating because the beginning part of my journey was so easy.  My surgery was smooth with no complications, my surgeon went in through my belly-button (aka no scars) and quick recovery.  I lost weight pretty steadily for a few months and then despite getting fills, my weight loss stalled.  I've only lost 10 lbs since September and that really hit home when I heard about some of the bloggers I met in Chicago are coming to New York on March 20th.   I really would love to make the 3 hour trip to New York to see them again and am hoping some of the other Baltimore BOOBS will go with me.  However, there is a little voice in my head saying, "Seriously?  You really want to have those women who you like and respect see that you haven't made much progress with your weight loss?"   But then my other voice says "Hey, these gals support you no matter what and they don't care if you are having a tough time of it.  Plus, last time you lost 10 lbs after meeting all your sister BOOBS so maybe this will give you the push you need."  Maybe the more important question here is.  "Does anybody else talk to themselves and have multiple conversations with different opinions?"  Anyway, regardless of my Sybil-like self talk, I definitely am hoping to make the trip.  Also excited about BOOB 2.0 in Chicago and hoping I can make that. 

So I was really hanging my hat on this last fill to get the scale moving, but unless I have a serious delayed reaction, it's not going to happen.  I'm realizing that I need to do more to lose weight.  Some of you might remember that my husband and I gave our daughters a membership to our gym for Christmas.  Wednesday night is the first time we all went together.  (The girls and I have gone previously, but Dave was working nights so this was the first time we were all able to go).  It was a lot of fun.  And then Thursday night the girls and I went up to take a Zumba class.  (Dave working).  We're taking a break today, but will be going up tomorrow to get in some cardio.  Hubby and I have some personal training sessions from before that we haven't used and planning on scheduling a session soon.  Exercise has always been necessary in the past in order for me to lose weight so I guess it was naive of me to think having the band would be any different. 

I'm hoping that exercise will get the scale moving because I really don't want to have to start tracking everything that goes in my mouth.  I know that works for some people, but tracking brings back bad memories and feelings of failure.  My pattern in the past is to do really well for a few days (maybe weeks if I was lucky) and then as soon as I slip up, I'd throw in that towel and eat whatever I wanted that day vowing to do better tomorrow...or Monday...or next week...you get the point.  If nothing is off limits then I don't have to feel guilty about eating anything and I won't go off on an eating frenzy because I overate.  Guilt and self-hate were my worst enemies when I tried to lose weight in the past.  I dieted my way up to my highest weight of 279 because the feeling of failure made me eat more.  I don't want to feel those out-of-control emotions ever again. 

Question:  I am hoping eventually to get into running. I used to run when I was younger (and thinner) and really enjoyed it. I have a question about the C25K program. Is it something you download and is it just a voice telling you when to run and when to walk? I tried downloading one and it was terrible.  It was just this voice with no cool music.  I definitely need music to help me and would love some cool music that is timed for a walking and running program with the intent of getting you to run the entire time. 

Fill and Niece Updates

Here's hoping this fill is perfect.

Thanks again to all of you for the wonderfully supportive comments and award nominations.  They have really cheered me up. 

Well, my surgeon was an hour late this morning and I was freaking out that I would again have to wait for a fill.  Luckily he did show and I got .4 ccs for my fill so hoping that will help get the scale moving.  He did it by fluoro and it was cool seeing my band.  However, I didn't even think about looking at the screen to see the liquid going down.  I think I was so focused on making sure the barium went down well that I totally forgot how cool it would be to see it on the screen.  I'm already tight in the morning and the liquid was kind of thick so I was freaking out that maybe he'd say I was too tight again.    

I guess I should be happy, but I'm not thrilled.  If you remember the last "fill" I had, they ended up taking out .2.  So 2 months later I have the .2 I had before and an additional .2.  Not exactly earth shattering, but I'm trying to stay positive by remember how a small fill really effected some of you.  Not sure exactly where I am total - I think this brings me to 8.2 ccs, but not sure.  I guess I should have asked, but didn't want my surgeon to think I'm super focused on that number.  I won't really know the level of restriction until I start solids.  Right now liquids are going down with no problem and I really don't feel any different.  

Regarding my niece, we think she is turning a corner.  Her red blood count is holding steady and her appetite is coming back.  Still no talk about release, but at least she is feeling better. 

Hubby and I were supposed to go to Atlantic City this weekend, but we were going with my brother and sister-in-law, who are the parents of my niece who is in the hospital.  Needless to say they are not going.  They wouldn't mine if we went, but it wouldn't be as much fun without them.  Plus, eventhough my niece is doing better, I just wouldn't feel right.  Lastly, money is a little tight right now so it's probably best we don't gamble the little we have away. 

I'm still taking Friday and Monday off of work.  I need a couple of mental health days.  My husband's sister was coming into town (lives in Richmond) to watch the girls this weekend while we went to AC.  She's still going to come for a visit so Dave and I are hoping to get in a few date nights and maybe go somewhere to watch SuperBowl. 

Hope you all have a great weekend. 

XO

Blog Awards

I've been nominated for the Stylish Blogger award by TnT, LdSwims and Band-Babe.  And the Irresistibly Sweet Award from MandaPanda.  Thank you both so much.  I'm very happy to have been nominated, although I don't feel my blog has been award-worthy lately.  Part of my disappointment at this 3 month plateau is not being able to do upbeat, motivating and interesting posts about all my success.  I feel like I haven't had a lot to offer which upsets me because I've received so much great information and motivation from others. 

For The Irresistibly Sweet Blog Award  I need to list five guilty pleasures and then pass this on to three fabulous (& sweet) bloggers that I know and love.  My guilty pleasures are as follows:

1.  Reality TV.  Need I say more?

2.  Coffee with Baileys Irish Cream.  Too many calories, but so good. 

3.  Blogging when I should be working

4.  Ebay. 

5.  Makeup.  I have way too much, but always want the newest color or product. 

I'm sure that they have already been nominated, but given that I just had lunch with 3 of local band sisters, I'd like to nominate Read, Linda and Angie.

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For The Stylish Blogger Award I need to thank the person who gave you the award, reveal seven things about myself, and nominate 15 bloggers who I've recently discovered or love. Then leave a comment on their blog letting them know they've been nominated. 
 
1.  I put a lot on my blog, but still keep some things off because I always have in the back of my mind that someone I don't want reading it will stumble upon it.  I don't care about people knowing I have the band, but there are other things that I don't want some people to know. 
2.  I was never a big fan of Julianna Margulies until the show The Good Wife.  I love that show. 
3.  I watch way too much tv. 
4.  I went away to college right after high school (College Park) and only lasted a semester.  I was too home sick, eventhough I went home every weekend.  It also didn't help that I had just started dating a guy who I missed very much.  I've always regretted not finishing college, but am lucky enough to have worked my way up to a very well paying job with great benefits. 
5.  I lost my Mom in March of 2006 and  I think about her every day.  She was my best friend and I could talk to her about anything and everything.  I did a memorial for my mom and you can read here if you like. 
6.  My husband is the love of my life and eventhough we've had our hard times, I wouldn't trade him in for anything.  I am curious though, he's 18 months younger than me so does that make me a Cougar?
7.  I am petrified that when I go in for a fill tomorrow they are going to say I'm already full enough.  I am petrified that this is the most restriction I am going to get with my band and if that is the case, I'm in for a hell of a fight to lose more weight.  I am petrified that everyone who knows I got the band is going to view me as a failure.   And worst of all, if I don't get at least to the 190s, I am going to view myself as a failure.
 
As far as nominations, I feel that everyone who comments and supports me deserves all the awards that are out there.  So if you haven't already received these awards and you have made it through this entire post, please consider youself nominated. 
 
Thanks for all your comments about my niece.  She is still in the hospital and they are pretty sure it is mono.  Still waiting on a few other tests to completely rule out other things.  She has been having an extremely hard time.  Her red blood count was low so they gave her 3 bags of  red cells.  She was also having problems breathing because of low count, so she had to go on oxygen.  The doctor that is taking care of her said this is the worse case of mono he has ever seen.  Appreciate you keeping her in your thoughts. 
 
I will check in tomorrow night and let you know how my fill goes and give you any updates on my niece

XO