Why I don't track and a C25K Question

There have been quite a few posts lately about tracking and not tracking food.  Part of the reason I got the band is I wanted to lose weight without dieting.  I figured that as long as I didn't do any crazy sliders and focused on protein, the band would be enough.   However, I am 7 months into my journey and the band has not helped me lose as much weight as I hoped.  I am now up to 8.2 ccs and had my last fill (increase of .4 cc) by fluoro last week.  I mention that it was by fluoro because it was the first time where I didn't have to feel "responsible" to judge my fill by how I felt when I drank my water.  My surgeon could actually see the barium going down and told me when the fill was good.   I did have a little concern because I am typically tight in the morning and my test was first thing in the morning.  Unfortunately, my surgeon only does it first thing in the morning, so I didn't have a choice.  It has not given me the resriction that I had hoped for. 

I know a lot of people say that they want to be able to eat everything, just in moderation.  I can eat everything, but more than moderation.  Don't get me wrong, I am definitely eating less than I did pre-band, but 1/2 to 1 cup of food - even solid protein - does not keep me full for 3 to 4 hours.  It is frustrating because the beginning part of my journey was so easy.  My surgery was smooth with no complications, my surgeon went in through my belly-button (aka no scars) and quick recovery.  I lost weight pretty steadily for a few months and then despite getting fills, my weight loss stalled.  I've only lost 10 lbs since September and that really hit home when I heard about some of the bloggers I met in Chicago are coming to New York on March 20th.   I really would love to make the 3 hour trip to New York to see them again and am hoping some of the other Baltimore BOOBS will go with me.  However, there is a little voice in my head saying, "Seriously?  You really want to have those women who you like and respect see that you haven't made much progress with your weight loss?"   But then my other voice says "Hey, these gals support you no matter what and they don't care if you are having a tough time of it.  Plus, last time you lost 10 lbs after meeting all your sister BOOBS so maybe this will give you the push you need."  Maybe the more important question here is.  "Does anybody else talk to themselves and have multiple conversations with different opinions?"  Anyway, regardless of my Sybil-like self talk, I definitely am hoping to make the trip.  Also excited about BOOB 2.0 in Chicago and hoping I can make that. 

So I was really hanging my hat on this last fill to get the scale moving, but unless I have a serious delayed reaction, it's not going to happen.  I'm realizing that I need to do more to lose weight.  Some of you might remember that my husband and I gave our daughters a membership to our gym for Christmas.  Wednesday night is the first time we all went together.  (The girls and I have gone previously, but Dave was working nights so this was the first time we were all able to go).  It was a lot of fun.  And then Thursday night the girls and I went up to take a Zumba class.  (Dave working).  We're taking a break today, but will be going up tomorrow to get in some cardio.  Hubby and I have some personal training sessions from before that we haven't used and planning on scheduling a session soon.  Exercise has always been necessary in the past in order for me to lose weight so I guess it was naive of me to think having the band would be any different. 

I'm hoping that exercise will get the scale moving because I really don't want to have to start tracking everything that goes in my mouth.  I know that works for some people, but tracking brings back bad memories and feelings of failure.  My pattern in the past is to do really well for a few days (maybe weeks if I was lucky) and then as soon as I slip up, I'd throw in that towel and eat whatever I wanted that day vowing to do better tomorrow...or Monday...or next week...you get the point.  If nothing is off limits then I don't have to feel guilty about eating anything and I won't go off on an eating frenzy because I overate.  Guilt and self-hate were my worst enemies when I tried to lose weight in the past.  I dieted my way up to my highest weight of 279 because the feeling of failure made me eat more.  I don't want to feel those out-of-control emotions ever again. 

Question:  I am hoping eventually to get into running. I used to run when I was younger (and thinner) and really enjoyed it. I have a question about the C25K program. Is it something you download and is it just a voice telling you when to run and when to walk? I tried downloading one and it was terrible.  It was just this voice with no cool music.  I definitely need music to help me and would love some cool music that is timed for a walking and running program with the intent of getting you to run the entire time.