THANK YOU!!!

You all are so great! Thank you so much for the supportive comments you gave on my post yesterday.  I've read all your comments several times and I honestly feel so much better. I think I've mentioned in previous posts/comments that my Mom passed away on March 21 (2006) so this is a pretty crappy time of year for me. I think the depression is effecting everything right now.  I decided not to go out for St. Patrick's Day for two reasons - (1) I didn't feel like squeezing into my jeans and size 2 XXL men's shirt, going to a crowded bar, and standing around for 8 hours and (2) I realized that my next weigh in day is Monday not Tuesday, so I definitely didn't need all the extra liquid calories.  I'm a little disappointed I couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to go (which, let's face it, is the REAL reason I didn't go) because now my awesome green fingernails that my daughter did for me won't be seen.  So, I decided to take a picture of them for all of you to admire. :-) 

Unfortunately you can't see them very well.  I'll ask my husband to take a better picture when he gets home from work.

Because of all the great input I got yesterday, I decided to do a post commenting on your comments.  Hopefully that's not too weird. 



Jacquie - You are so right about yesterday's post not being me.  I am very un-me in March.  We WILL get through this together.  And hopefully you know that it's just a small part of me that's jealous.  The biggest part of me is so freaking happy for you that your so close to getting the band.  I have 2 beautiful daughers too and we are going to make them so proud with how successful we are going to be with the band. 

Andrew - I never thought about the downside of what would happen if I could have the surgery right away.  You made me think and I realize that despite the downsides, there are some advantages to having to wait. 

Carmen - Thanks for letting me know that I'm not crazy to be thinking like this.  My head said that it's somewhat normal, but my emotions were playing with me making me think I was heading down the wrong road.

Tessierose - Your comparison of preparing for lapband to leaving your abusive husband touched me and made me realize even more how important this time is to start breaking down the destructive relationship I have with food.  I know that time goes by quickly and summer will be here before I know it.  At least this summer I won't be upset about how I'm 10 lbs more than last summer.  This summer I will be preparing for a new friend (my band who has yet to be named) who will be a help in my weight loss journey.  And I have you all as new friends helping me through. 

Lori - Thanks for helping with my guilt about writing such a negative post when you and so many others are so close to getting their bands.  Like I said to Jacquie, there is only a small part of me that is jealous of you guys.  I will be so happy when you get your insurance auth and I honestly feel the frustration that you are feeling dealing with their crap.

Jennifer - You answered my questions without making me feel like an idiot for asking them.  You put bandster hell into perspective and it is something I will keep in mind going forward.

Sandy Lee - I had a rasberry lemondrop martini for you today instead of a beer because I'm not really a beer person.  I didn't go to the bar, but had it at lunch with my husband.  Hopefully that will suffice.  :-)  thanks for giving me hope that 1 fill could give me restriction. 

BandGroupie - Geez -  a year is a lot longer than 6 months.  Ironically I hadn't even thought I was a candidate for lapband surgery until right before I went in for my informational seminar.  I thought you had to have comorbidities in order to qualify.  Who knew that being morbidly obese alone would get you approved for the band?  I actually have been trying to manage my expectations.  I initially said that I was going to get banded in September.  I was looking at September in case I had issues with the insurance authorization.  But then a few people started counting and said I should be banded by summer.  So that's what I'm saying now. 

Joey - Thanks for the good vibes.  Obviously I need them.  And the idea that what I'm going through now could be the hardest part makes me feel a lot more hopeful.

Amandakiska - Unfortunately self-pay is not an option for me.  My husband is self-employed and the ups and downs of his business would make it very difficult for us to put out that much money - eventhough he would support me.  I try to keep telling myself that this is a small price to pay for a free surgery, but sometimes my self-talk goes rogue and you see where it takes me.  Glad to know there is hope that I will feel restriction after the first fill. 

Amy - Nothing like starting to read a blog when the person is having a nervous breakdown.  And yet you still chose to follow.  Obviously we are cut from the same cloth.  It's good to hear from someone that has had other surgeries that the lapband wasn't as bad.  I haven't had any surgery except to correct a lazy eye when I was 5, so needless to say I don't remember it.   I've also had people, including my mother, who have had gastric bypass work for them.  But I do believe that losing the weight slowly and without the invasive procedure of gastric bypass is the better way to go. 

Mary - Don't you freaking hate when they make you shorter?  Although, I guess having a higher BMI works in your favor when insurance is paying.  I worked for an insurance company for 15 years and you can bet your bottom that they are hoping people will back out.  But that won't be us.  We need to make sure that over the course of the 6 months we lose at least a little bit of weight to assure the insurance company that we can handle the band.  Stupid, I know, but the hoops need to be jumped.  We'll hold hands and jump them together. 

And lastly, since I am doing a thank you post, I'd like to give an extra-special thank you to Joey of Volume Control and Heidi of Shrinking Mommy for passing on some of their clothes that they've shrunk out of.  I really wish I could be like Amy W and model the clothes for you, but given the crappy mood I'm in, looking at myself in pictures could send me over the edge. 

Love you all.  Thanks again.