Doctor's Day - March 30th

I should have posted this sooner, but in case you are seeing your surgeon tomorrow, make sure to wish him or her a Happy Doctor's Day. 

Doctor's Day observances date back to March 30, 1933. It was started by Eudora Brown Almond of Winder, Ga. The day marks the anniversary of the first use of general anesthesia in surgery. The first National Doctor's Day was celebrated in 1991.

On March 30, 1958, the United States House of Representatives adopted a resolution commemorating Doctor's Day. In 1990, the congress and the senate approved legislation establishing National Doctors Day. The resolution designating March 30 as National Doctors' Day was signed by President George Bush

Spring has sprung!

Hope you like my new blog format.  I know Shrinking Mommy will be mad at me for changing, but I wanted something for Spring. 

Snoopy Understands

It's been a long week.  I think for a couple of reasons  The rain on Monday and Tuesday didn't help.  Wednesday was pretty, but I was in a bad mood because my brother was in the hospital (more about that later).  I did have a very nice lunch with one of my best friends on Tuesday.  We've known each other for 25 years.  Yep, we met when we were...2.  ha ha  She is actually the one who convinced me to do the band - she is also overweight and is going through her nutritional appointments as required by her insurance company.  I had a bit of a scare when we talked last week because she said she was considering the gastric bypass.  I guess "scare" is a strong word.  It was more like disappointment because I wanted us to go through this experience together and felt if she did the bypass, things would be different.  At lunch she shared that she decided to go with the band.   Yippee!  She was amazed at how much information I was able to pass on to her that I've gotten from you all.  I think she was a little depressed when I told her that it's definitely not an easy road, but I'd rather she know up front.

On Tuesday evening, I got a call from my one brother that my other brother was in the emergency room.  He had been having bad pains in his left side and felt something was wrong.  After testing, they admitted him to run more tests on Wednesday.  They found a blood clot near his lung, which was probably caused by his flight home from Vegas a few days before.  He has to do some very expensive shots and some other stuff, but he's going to be fine.  It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to visit him, but called several times.  We're getting together on Saturday with a group of friends so I'm looking forward to giving him a big hug.  I just saw him last Saturday and everything was fine.  Scary! 

I think another reason I'm out of it is that I don't feel like I'm using this pre-op time to the best of my ability.  I've gathered a lot of information, but I'm not putting anything into action.  I mean, I've lost 1 freaking pound in 2 months.  That's pretty pathetic.  I know it's better than gaining, but I've got to get my head in the game so I'm ready when the time comes.  Eventhough I can't lose more than 7 lbs due to insurance requirements, I should be focused on eating healthier and exercising.  Instead, I'm using this time to eat whatever I want. I've done this so many times.  "Oh, I'll eat what I want this weekend and start fresh Monday.  Oh, I'm going back to Weight Watchers so I should eat big before my first weigh in.  Oh, I've blown it today so might as well give up until tomorrow.  Oh, I'm getting the band in a few months, so I'll do what I want until then."  This is what has gotten me to the weight I am today.  Now keep in mind, I know I cannot gain weight during this time because that sends a red flag to the insurance company.  However, I'm basically eating what I want for most of the month, then starving myself right before weigh in. 

I'm curious how much prep work you did before your surgery.  I think the most productive thing, besides reading and documenting the good information from you all, is check out different protein shakes to see what I like best.  Am I normal to not be gung ho during this time or should I be doing more to get ready for when I'm banded?   Be honest, but don't yell at me. 

I cry easily.

 

Good News and Bad News

GOOD NEWS
I'm at my half way point for my nutritional counseling sessions.  I did double-check with the insurance coordinator and she said my first month does count towards my 6 months, my last appointment is in June.  If all goes well, I'll have my surgery beginning of July.  I met with the Nurse Practioner who will be doing my fills and she is super nice.  She said that I can get fills once a month and they will work with me if I'm not feeling restriction.  She said they are pretty aggressive with the first fill and I can get it 3 to 4 weeks after surgery.  All my tests looked good - no sleep apnea or issues with chest xray/upper GI, so that's a relief. 

BAD NEWS
I gained 2 lbs since my weigh in last month.  I'm still down a pound from when I started, but I need to get on the ball.  I don't want the insurance company to deny me because I didn't lose anything.  It kind of sucks because yesterday I weighed a pound less - damn water retention. 


Have a good week. 

I'd like to introduce you to my Mom...

As some of you might have seen from previous posts and comments, my Mom, Jean, passed away 4 years ago today.  She was not only a great mom, but a great friend.   Sometimes my mom would hang out with my friends and I, but nobody minded because she was so cool.   A lot of my friends could talk to my mom easier than their own mothers.  We went on quite a few vacations together, just her and I - including a cruise.  We also all went on family vacations - the pictures on this post are from a trip to Disney we took in 2003. 

As a kid, I was always embarrassed by how she'd start talking to total strangers.  Now my kids get embarrassed because I do the same thing.  Ah, the circle of life.  There was always a part of me that was bummed that I had a blue-eyed, blonde for a mom, but ended up with brown eyes and hair, but she always made me feel beautiful.  My mom and dad went through tough times in their marriage and separated for a year when I was 12.  Luckily they got back together and despite differences, they were both very in love with each other. 

I consider myself spiritual - I don't believe in heaven and hell, but I do think we will see our loved ones again.  I also think that they are still around us.  When my mom was sick, she said she didn't know that she believed in an afterlife because if there was one, why hadn't her mother given her some kind of sign that she was still around after she had passed away.  I told my mother that I didn't believe that once you died you could just pop back to say "hi" to your loved ones.  There are rules.  But I do think there are signs, but sometimes they are subtle.  I know that some people can say that it's just wishful thinking and you can make a sign out of anything, but I have a story that might make you think.

 

The Christmas after my mom died, I was at a Walmart that her and I frequently went to together.  I started feeling really depressed and all I wanted to do was get the hell out.  I then remembered that I had forgotten to get the angel for the top of our Christmas tree, which was the main reason I was there in the first place.  (Does anybody else get amnesia in Walmart and just start wandering around picking up items you didn't go in for and forgetting what you actually needed?)  Anyway, I then realized that the Christmas section was on the totally other end of the freaking store and the last thing I felt like doing was trecking over there in my sad, almost in tears state.  But, I needed to get the angel.  So I start walking down the closest aisle to head over - to where? - all together now - TO THE TOTALLY OTHER END OF THE STORE.  So I start walking down the aisle, which is the office supply section, and I glanced over to the right and there, among an assortment of notebooks, paper and folders, is one solitary blue eyed, blonde tree-top angel. 

 

Writing it down it doesn't sound like a big deal, but I definitely took it as a sign that my mom was watching out for me. 

Oh, and another sign I'm thinking my mom sent is my nephew who was born about 14 months after my mom passed away.  Keep in mind that my brother and sister-in-law have brown hair and brown eyes. 

Love you, Mom.  Miss you!

To My Followers...

I've always wanted to say that.  he he he...

But seriously, if I am not following you, please leave a comment with your blog link.  I try clicking your picture, but some people don't have a blog listed.  So, please, please, please let me know if I am not one of your followers, because I definitely want to be. 

Have a great weekend. 

THANK YOU!!!

You all are so great! Thank you so much for the supportive comments you gave on my post yesterday.  I've read all your comments several times and I honestly feel so much better. I think I've mentioned in previous posts/comments that my Mom passed away on March 21 (2006) so this is a pretty crappy time of year for me. I think the depression is effecting everything right now.  I decided not to go out for St. Patrick's Day for two reasons - (1) I didn't feel like squeezing into my jeans and size 2 XXL men's shirt, going to a crowded bar, and standing around for 8 hours and (2) I realized that my next weigh in day is Monday not Tuesday, so I definitely didn't need all the extra liquid calories.  I'm a little disappointed I couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to go (which, let's face it, is the REAL reason I didn't go) because now my awesome green fingernails that my daughter did for me won't be seen.  So, I decided to take a picture of them for all of you to admire. :-) 

Unfortunately you can't see them very well.  I'll ask my husband to take a better picture when he gets home from work.

Because of all the great input I got yesterday, I decided to do a post commenting on your comments.  Hopefully that's not too weird. 



Jacquie - You are so right about yesterday's post not being me.  I am very un-me in March.  We WILL get through this together.  And hopefully you know that it's just a small part of me that's jealous.  The biggest part of me is so freaking happy for you that your so close to getting the band.  I have 2 beautiful daughers too and we are going to make them so proud with how successful we are going to be with the band. 

Andrew - I never thought about the downside of what would happen if I could have the surgery right away.  You made me think and I realize that despite the downsides, there are some advantages to having to wait. 

Carmen - Thanks for letting me know that I'm not crazy to be thinking like this.  My head said that it's somewhat normal, but my emotions were playing with me making me think I was heading down the wrong road.

Tessierose - Your comparison of preparing for lapband to leaving your abusive husband touched me and made me realize even more how important this time is to start breaking down the destructive relationship I have with food.  I know that time goes by quickly and summer will be here before I know it.  At least this summer I won't be upset about how I'm 10 lbs more than last summer.  This summer I will be preparing for a new friend (my band who has yet to be named) who will be a help in my weight loss journey.  And I have you all as new friends helping me through. 

Lori - Thanks for helping with my guilt about writing such a negative post when you and so many others are so close to getting their bands.  Like I said to Jacquie, there is only a small part of me that is jealous of you guys.  I will be so happy when you get your insurance auth and I honestly feel the frustration that you are feeling dealing with their crap.

Jennifer - You answered my questions without making me feel like an idiot for asking them.  You put bandster hell into perspective and it is something I will keep in mind going forward.

Sandy Lee - I had a rasberry lemondrop martini for you today instead of a beer because I'm not really a beer person.  I didn't go to the bar, but had it at lunch with my husband.  Hopefully that will suffice.  :-)  thanks for giving me hope that 1 fill could give me restriction. 

BandGroupie - Geez -  a year is a lot longer than 6 months.  Ironically I hadn't even thought I was a candidate for lapband surgery until right before I went in for my informational seminar.  I thought you had to have comorbidities in order to qualify.  Who knew that being morbidly obese alone would get you approved for the band?  I actually have been trying to manage my expectations.  I initially said that I was going to get banded in September.  I was looking at September in case I had issues with the insurance authorization.  But then a few people started counting and said I should be banded by summer.  So that's what I'm saying now. 

Joey - Thanks for the good vibes.  Obviously I need them.  And the idea that what I'm going through now could be the hardest part makes me feel a lot more hopeful.

Amandakiska - Unfortunately self-pay is not an option for me.  My husband is self-employed and the ups and downs of his business would make it very difficult for us to put out that much money - eventhough he would support me.  I try to keep telling myself that this is a small price to pay for a free surgery, but sometimes my self-talk goes rogue and you see where it takes me.  Glad to know there is hope that I will feel restriction after the first fill. 

Amy - Nothing like starting to read a blog when the person is having a nervous breakdown.  And yet you still chose to follow.  Obviously we are cut from the same cloth.  It's good to hear from someone that has had other surgeries that the lapband wasn't as bad.  I haven't had any surgery except to correct a lazy eye when I was 5, so needless to say I don't remember it.   I've also had people, including my mother, who have had gastric bypass work for them.  But I do believe that losing the weight slowly and without the invasive procedure of gastric bypass is the better way to go. 

Mary - Don't you freaking hate when they make you shorter?  Although, I guess having a higher BMI works in your favor when insurance is paying.  I worked for an insurance company for 15 years and you can bet your bottom that they are hoping people will back out.  But that won't be us.  We need to make sure that over the course of the 6 months we lose at least a little bit of weight to assure the insurance company that we can handle the band.  Stupid, I know, but the hoops need to be jumped.  We'll hold hands and jump them together. 

And lastly, since I am doing a thank you post, I'd like to give an extra-special thank you to Joey of Volume Control and Heidi of Shrinking Mommy for passing on some of their clothes that they've shrunk out of.  I really wish I could be like Amy W and model the clothes for you, but given the crappy mood I'm in, looking at myself in pictures could send me over the edge. 

Love you all.  Thanks again. 

Confession Time...

I wonder how many blogs have started with "Confession Time."  Not a very original title, I know, but it's appropriate because I really do need to confess. (And by confess, I mean WHINE). 

I've been trying to be funny and light and putting up jokes and cute animals, but it's a bit of a cover.  Don't get me wrong, I am cute and funny, but I'm not doing very well with this 6 months of nutritional counseling required by my insurance.  I want the band now!  I've tried positive self talk about using this time to lose weight so I'll be closer to my goal once I get banded, but my self just ends up telling myself to f#*k off. If I could lose weight on my own, I wouldn't be going for the band.

And then I really get rolling with my pity party because it's not like once I get the band I'll start having restriction right away.  So after this 6 months and then God knows how long I'll have to wait for the insurance auth, and then go through surgery (hopefully won't have the terrible gas pains or any crazy mishaps that I won't go near LBT to read about), I'll have to cross the fires of bandster hell.   Then, finally, I guess it will be late summer/early fall, I'll get my first fill.  But wait a minute, the majority of people don't seem to get much restriction after their first fill, so I'll most likely still need to rely on willpower to lose weight until I get another fill.  Hopefully then, (I guess it will be close to Thanksgiving by this point) the band will be effective as the tool I need to lose weight.  But it's not going to be easy.  I definitely get that from what I'm reading. 

So, just curious to hear from those of you that have been banded - was it better or worse than you expected?  Easier or harder?  Are you sorry that you didn't do the gastric bypass?  I don't mean to imply that the gastric bypass is easier, but let's face it, the fact that not all the calories are absorbed into your system and you lose weight quickly right away without waiting for the elusive sweet spot, certainly aren't negatives. 

I know what's put me in this mood.  I went shopping today.  I'm going out for St. Patrick's day tomorrow (first time ever - I heard it's going to be crazy, but I'm being coerced by my girlfriends) and I needed a green shirt (don't want to get pinched).  After trying about 10 different shirts, I chose a Men's 2XXL.  A MEN'S 2XXL!!!  How in the hell did I get here? 

Sorry for the negative post.  I usually feel better from reading everybody's posts, but today instead of being able to live vicariously through those who are so close to surgery and those who are losing weight with the band, I'm just freaking jealous. 

I'll be better tomorrow.  Thanks for reading. 

If you are thinking about drinking this weekend, read this first!

What drinking could do to you...(Warning - images could be disturbing)

6 BEERS

2 GLASSES OF WINE

2 BOTTLES OF WINE - SHARED

TOO MANY MARGARITAS

3 KAMIKAZES

7 RUM AND COKES

AND - MY FAVORITE - A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA

Really makes you stop and think, doesn't it.  :-)

My sleep study technician gave me nightmares.

Ok.  So you know how in movies the bad guy always talks with a russian accent and has those piercing eyes.  That was the person who hooked me up last night for my sleep study.  Ironically this picture not only gives you an idea of what my technician looked like, but how I looked after he was done with me.  I did manage to sleep, but had a lot of dreams.  Not really sure I had a nightmare, but it was all a little freaky.  Glad it's over. 

Redneck Fire Alarm

Just to clarify, this is not my house.  Although I guess this person does save money on batteries.  :-)

I had my chest x-ray and upper gi series today.  It wasn't anywhere near as bad as I was expecting.  I thought I'd have to drink a jug of crap, but it was only 2 small cups and didn't taste bad at all.  Both tests only took 45 minutes in total.  The worst thing was having to get up at 5:30 because I wasn't sure how traffic would be and I needed to be at the hospital by 7:30 am.  The hospital is about 30 minutes from my house with no traffic. 

Tomorrow night is my sleep study.  Hopefully that will go better than expected also. 

The Sunshine Award

Lori of A Journey to Embrace has nominated me for the sunshine award.  We are both pre-band, but she will be getting her surgery date any day now.  I will be getting mine this summer. 

The sunshine award "is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world."

 Once you receive one, then you:

1. Post the logo on your blog.

2. Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.

3. Link the nominees

4. Let nominees know they have won this award by commenting on their blog.

5. Share the love and link to the person you received this award from.

As always, it's difficult to pick only a few.  I've lost track of who has already been nominated so I apologize for duplicates, but it's not my fault you are so damn popular.  Since I'm sure I have duplicates, I've nominated more than 12.  Hopefully my award won't be stripped since I broke one of the rules.  If so, someone will have to tear it from my cold, dead hands.  Just sayin'

Amy W of  Once Upon A Time...In The Land of Cheese and Sunkist

Sarah of  Losing Weight, Gaining Tons

Shrinking Mommy

Joey of Volume Control

Jen of  It's All About Me

Jacquie of Can't wait to lose it with the band!

AM of Band New

Amanda of Amanda's Weight Loss Journey

Mary of Band me...I'm ready!

Lap Band Gal

Colleen of This Time I Mean It

Julie of the wonderful adventures of Julie and Sammy

Mary of Band Me...I'm Ready

TJ of Metamorphic Journey

Banderific Beauty of My Journey Into A New World...

Janet of That's How I Roll

Tessierose of Band me Baby!

Picture On the Beach..(WARNING - you will see crack)

GOTCHA!  Bet you thought it was going to be a picture of ME on the beach.  Nope.  I haven't had a picture of me in a bathing suit in at least 7 years.  I've been hiding from cameras for too long.  I can't wait until I can proudly pose, right out front, and look forward to seeing the photo.  That will be a huge NSV for me.

Here's an example of how intimidated I am by the camera.  2 years ago my younger brother and wife invited my husband and I to go with them and a group of couples (who were significantly younger and thinner than me) to Cancun.   We had a great time, but as most beautiful, thin, young couples do, they snapped pictures like every 5 minutes.  I spent half the time hiding and making bathroom runs every time someone said "Say Cheese."  I know it was ridiculous; however, the idea of getting my picture taken was bad enough, but to have it taken standing next to the thin chicks was mortifying.  Now I know some of you won't get it.  Why does she care about getting her picture taken?  It's not like people can't see what she looks like.  It's not like people don"t know she's the fattest in the group.  What's a picture going to hurt?  I don't know what the answer is.  I guess I don't want to see myself standing in the group looking huge.  Know what I mean?  Anyway, I've attached one of the few pictures taken during that trip.  I felt so sexy this night but when I saw the picture, that feeling quickly dissipated.  However, Elvis did find me attractive enough to serenade.  LOL.

Jenn of Every Now and Jenn can use some help

One of our Sisters is going through a tough time.  Jenn of Every Now and Jenn was banded in October 2009, but is having significant back pain and had to have some of her fill removed.  Maybe some of you experienced bandsters can offer her some advice.  I know she's feeling very alone right now. 

Thanks.

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.


Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation -
What did you learn from this demonstration???
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,


You won't have worms!'




That pretty much ended the service.

(*disclaimer - I don't condone smoking, but I did think the joke was funny.) 

For those of you who are sticking with my blog, I really appreciate it.  A part of me thinks I shouldn't have started my blog until I got closer to the time of my banding.  I don't want every post to be about - time is going by so slow, I can't wait to get my band, I hope I get approved by my insurance, blah, blah, blah.  I can't wait until I can be the inspiration that you all are to me.  Until then, I appreciate you hanging in there with me.